Two guys sitting in an office. 1 is an absolute tool. 2 is a normal guy, whose just about had enough of the sort of stuff that 1 constantly comes out with.
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1
“ Don’t you think it’s spooky that they’ve never done a ‘This is your life’ for Michael Aspel?”
2
“Actually, I’m pretty sure they have. Even if they hadn’t I can’t imagine in what respect it would be spooky.”
1
“They have, have they? Oooh. How ironic.”
2
“No. Not ironic at all. If they hadn’t have, you could have maybe said that it would have been ironic. But they have done. ”
1
“Still. It’s a bit strange.”
2
“It’s not strange. If I had to use one word that did describe Michael Aspel’s own ‘This is you life’ it would be inevitable. I suspect after the first series, he’d have thought to himself, ‘This will happen to me one day.’ Let alone after 15 years…”
1 (Interrupting)
“I love that show. Did you see it last week? I think they had the prime minister on it?”
2
“The show hasn’t run for years.”
1
“Don’t be silly. I’m watching it now.”
(Turns screen to number 2)
2
“That’s coverage of this year’s budget.”
1
“Oh yeah. It is. They are more or less the same thing though aren’t they? A big red book. Guy with grey hair?”
2
“What do you mean they are same? One is a complex, carefully worked financial strategy, encompassing many an intricate equation designed to see the UK’s economy through the coming financial year. The other is a sentimental journey, come love in, glossing over the ups and downs of a minor personality’s life within show business.
If I wanted to pick two shows that were polar opposites; it would be the coverage of the budget and an episode of ‘This is your life.’
1 (Flippantly)
“Well, you know what they say, opposites attract.”
2 (Getting annoyed)
“What does that mean? That means nothing. You can’t dismiss facts by chucking proverbs around.”
1 (Taking no notice. And firmly believing he’s on to something.)
“Do you know what I’d love to see?”
2 (Exasperated)
“No.”
1
“This is really funny. You’ll like this. It’s a bit out there. Like you.
Michael Aspel as an air steward. Demonstrating the safety manual. Do you know what it’s called? (pauses) This is your…”
2 (With no conviction)
…life jacket?”
1(Excitedly)
“BRILLIANT! I was thinking ‘This is your (pauses)…captain speaking.’ But that’s even better.”
2
“He’s not the cap…”
1
“Could you imagine it? (Does this is your life music over the Tanoy) Fasten your seat-belts please. Exits are here, here and here. If the planes starts to descend at speed, shall we go higher or lower? (Bruce Forsyth) Higher? Higher? Higher…”
2
“Have you even ever seen ‘This is you life?’”
1
“Of course. I download the podcast. Look.”
Shows 1 an I-pod with Michael Parkinson interviewing Rod Hull and Emu.
1
“Ooooo. I really hate that Orville.”
2
“I really fucking hate you.”
love it. raw creativity.
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